Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
