Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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