I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
