none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
