happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
