I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When did angry sex become our thing?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
