What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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