took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
