just tell him i said nine months
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
