the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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