I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
