Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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