Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
