Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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