i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
