Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
