There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
