I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
