I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
