she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
