Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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