she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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