I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
