did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
