The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
