i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
