You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
