So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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