so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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