Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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