Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you would pick up someone in the library
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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