she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
