Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
