i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
