They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
