2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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