Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
