In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
