You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
