I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
