How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
