I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
