ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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