holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
