It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I love you.
Bad choice
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
