This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
