She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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