I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
