My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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