well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
