That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
