she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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