And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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