i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
