He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
